My Body Hates Me

OK, mi cuerpo, this is tu mente speaking. Why, o why, must you torment me so? I spend all day doing most of the work while you just lay around or - at most - sit slumped in a chair doing as little as possible. Granted, you go where I tell you to and always wait there patiently for me to finish what I'm doing... usually without much protest. So... what'd I do, exactly?

It can't have been just the running, right? You might not exactly enjoy running, but you don't hate it, either. I mean, we do that all the time. Well, ok... you run a lot while I enjoy a nice ride and usually take advantage of the opportunity by focusing on projects I wouldn't otherwise have the time to address: life, love, philosophy, what I'm going to make you type on the next blog post, etc. Heck, sometimes the ride's so smooth I just take a nap. So... I'm inclined to think that running isn't the root of the problem.

But you did decide to exact your revenge during a run, didn't you? The saltwater in the eyes... the inadequate lung capacity... the pain in only one shin... the skin irritation... man, you had me sending impulses along all sorts of neurons! And they were sending back some nasty messages. The little mutineers were about to just shut everything down until I talked them back off the ledge. You're lucky, too, or you might just be lying there in the middle of a street somewhere... all communication between you and me severed because you hate me for some unknown reason.

So... if you're not telling why you're so upset, I'll at least meet you halfway. First of all, I promise to be there for you when it's time to assess whatever you're putting in our mouth. Only useful and beneficial stuff goes in there. And the occassional bad-for-you treat, maybe -- just to keep me sane. Secondly, I'll do a better job of schedule-making for you. But you have to realize that you're not going to just sit or lay there all the time. I like new things... stimuli make me happy... so you will be toting me around. But we'll take turns bearing the heavy workload, m'kay? Lastly, I'll shut you down if you pull another stunt like you did today, understand? Don't think I won't. You may possess some brawn, but I'm the brains of this operation... hear?

Glad we had this talk. Next time, just rumble the stomach a little or yawn or something. I'll be there for you. Have I ever misled you?

Don't answer that.